This week hosts Koji Steven Sakai and M. Martin Mapoma bring in Martin’s friend Anna Bondoc to discuss her best or worst day of her life!
Voice Over Host 0:02
This is the best or worst podcast. And now here are your hosts Koji Steven Sakai and M Martin Mapoma.
Koji Steven Sakai 0:13
Hi, welcome to the best or worst podcast. This is Episode 25. And I’m Koji
Martin Mapoma 0:18
And I’m Martin.
Koji Steven Sakai 0:19
And we are here with Martin… Do you want to introduce?
Martin Mapoma 0:23
Drumroll… Anna Bondoc.
Unknown Speaker 0:32
But before we get to our guests, I just want to check in real quick with you, Martin. How are you doing?
Martin Mapoma 0:37
You know what? I’m good? Actually, I’m good. Okay. I always tell everybody is a man who hates to leave the house. I feel like I’ve been training for this moment my whole life. My whole life. I’m spinning in the living room like Julie Andrews in the sound of music in that field feel I’m like the walls are alive
Koji Steven Sakai 0:58
I’m the exact opposite. I’m just Like I need to go I even I told my son today I’m like, we’re going to the mountains on Saturday, Sunday, I’m gonna find a place that nobody’s at and I just
Guest Anna Bondoc 1:07
He sounds just like my husband.
Koji Steven Sakai 1:09
I can’t I can’t, I can’t hack this anymore.
Martin Mapoma 1:14
That’s because man who lives in the mountains.
Koji Steven Sakai 1:20
But we have a guest who will not spend too much time on ourselves. Let’s let’s get right into it.
Martin Mapoma 1:24
He’s got that free account.
Koji Steven Sakai 1:27
We have a free zoom account. We can’t get into it. We want to make sure we have enough time for you guys.
Martin Mapoma 1:30
I know. It’s okay.
Koji Steven Sakai 1:32
Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Guest Anna Bondoc 1:35
Okay, yeah. I am a naturalized American citizen. I was born in the Philippines in 1969. And currently, I live in Los Angeles with my husband and daughter who’s a teenager. And I’ve been many things I’ve had an eclectic run. But I’d say that through lines are I’ve been an educator, a teacher of literature and art. I spent the last five years being a fine artist. And I did start and have a failed design studio because I launched it in 2008 right at the recession, so that was one of the worst days or worse years, but otherwise, I am just hanging out living the California Life originally from the Midwest grew up in the Midwest didn’t quite fit in there. And super happy to be in Cali right now. Especially, that was one of the worst years.
Martin Mapoma 2:28
I bet none of us fitted in well in the Midwest. I know you’re right. We’re right around the corner from where I was. Oh, man.
Guest Anna Bondoc 2:37
Martin Mapoma 2:38
Now Actually, it’s is Ohio the Midwest Kentucky Sure as hell isn’t.
Guest Anna Bondoc 2:43
Ohio is the Midwest
Martin Mapoma 2:44
Well, well, Kentucky isn’t it’s sucked but she’s an amazing artists.
Koji Steven Sakai 2:50
So but you teach literature as well. What what kind of literature do you teach?
Guest Anna Bondoc 2:54
Um, well, I was an English major because my parents did not support my art habit. So I’ve taught Middle School, mostly middle and upper school English. And then I thought I wanted to teach art. But to be honest, I think most of us, I mean, it’s not all of art, but you sit around watching other people make art. I wanted to do that on my own. So I mostly designed abstract art and patterns. I am sort of a pattern minded person. I do not draw things, I draw repetitive things. Almost geometric, I think I have a secretly a mathematical mind, which made my dad happy, but I didn’t do anything good with it.
Koji Steven Sakai 3:35
I’m a teacher too. So I teach writing.
Guest Anna Bondoc 3:38
What do you teach?
Koji Steven Sakai 3:39
I teach screenwriting, oh, I’m a screenwriter, so but I love teaching though. I love like I love watching the kids do it over and over and over because I still do it. But I watched I watched them do it as well.
Martin Mapoma 3:49
I’m a teacher, too, because I work with the human body.
Koji Steven Sakai 3:56
You’re trying too hard. They’re I was gonna say Favorite my favorite artist is a Isamu Noguchi which
Guest Anna Bondoc 4:05
Koji Steven Sakai 4:07
my dream My dream I’ve never been to his his museum and the Queens Oh my God, I want to go so bad. That’s like the place I want to go more than anywhere in the world.
Guest Anna Bondoc 4:15
Okay, we’ll have to talk about that another time because like, you know my passwords were all his for a while now because he was my favorite is my one of my favorites.
Koji Steven Sakai 4:25
Yeah, he’s amazing. And his whole story I mean, you know, it story about well, we should we won’t go into but you know, it’s like going to Japanese American internment camps and all that stuff. He heard about that. It’s really, really interesting. Yeah. All right. Well, sorry. My son is trying to talk to me right now. Go Leave, leave leave. All right.
Martin Mapoma 4:45
So you know, so you want to kids in my kid is circling.
Koji Steven Sakai 4:48
Martin Mapoma 4:49
Oh, yeah. He’s circling
Koji Steven Sakai 4:52
So Martin let’s talk what is uh, well, you know Anna better than I do. So I’ll leave it up to you. Do we want to hear her best worst day of her life,
Martin Mapoma 5:03
man you know what Ana’s so upbeat and you know, considering the situation we’re in right now I hate to think of like giving her the worst, but Oh Ha. Oh man, you know what
Guest Anna Bondoc 5:16
Worst is much more interesting than the best day of my life, Martin?
Martin Mapoma 5:20
Guest Anna Bondoc 5:21
Martin Mapoma 5:21
This is during the Coronavirus, right.
Koji Steven Sakai 5:23
No, no, no. Weren’t you listening to the conversation in the pre-meeting?
Martin Mapoma 5:29
I was I was listening, I was listening.
Koji Steven Sakai 5:31
I’m out voting you. I want to hear the worst day because she’s, uh, she just said mentioned that her worst is gonna be better than her best.
Martin Mapoma 5:38
That’s what that’s how it starts first. Give me about McDonald’s and China and now you’re overriding me. It’s okay. Well,
Koji Steven Sakai 5:44
well. I’m not Chinese.
Guest Anna Bondoc 5:46
You know this the villain in the movie is always more interesting than the hero right? Isn’t that the truth?
Martin Mapoma 5:52
Guest Anna Bondoc 5:52
I always think
Martin Mapoma 5:54
So. that makes Koji the villain because I’m the innocent guy who got out voted right?
Koji Steven Sakai 5:59
No, no, she’s saying Her story of the
Martin Mapoma 6:01
I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m kidding.
Koji Steven Sakai 6:02
Martin Mapoma 6:03
let’s go with villain.
Koji Steven Sakai 6:04
Let’s hear your worst story.
Guest Anna Bondoc 6:06
Okay? Man, I haven’t told this story in a long time. So I’m 50 now 51 actually, and this story happened when I was 19. This was October 1990. And I was at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. And I have to condense it briefly by giving you a snapshot. It’s going to be a stereotypical snapshot of the way I grew up. My parents are immigrants, first generation immigrants from the Philippines. Catholic very strict Catholic. So at the time, I was pretty religious still, or at least I was acting as though I was and so for them me dating anybody was just not okay. I mean, literally, I was not going to be able to date anybody until I got married or and then had children like the whole straight thing. So at the time, that summer, I had met this guy, and in my dorm room, he was a year older than me, his name is Matthew. And we sort of totally fell into this whirlwind romance, blah, blah, blah. And I did not tell my parents because that was not going to be okay. I secretly went and visited him that summer in New York City because he’s from New York. I told my parents another story like I was really into this guy. So I was, prior to that I was like, a straight A student, super well behaved. Didn’t question my parents about a thing, nothing, nothing. And so kept that on that down low. So cut to October 1989 1990. And my mom started sending me phone calls and saying, We need to talk and I was like, Okay, and then she started saying, well, we need to come visit you at school. We’re gonna drive up to Ann Arbor and visit you and I said, All right. That’s weird. There’s no parent day but fine. And so I decided for myself, Okay, I’m gonna come clean. Tell them that I’m dating this guy. I’m not going to tell him the details. I was also at that particular time starting to become a feminist and my parents are super conservative Republican. So all this stuff is happening for me. Like I’m finally starting to find myself and break out of my good girl mode. So they tell me they’re going to come up on that. I think it was like the second week in October. I said, Fine. I’m going to come clean. I’m going to tell them. I’m brave. I’m really into this guy. We’re in love, blah, blah. So they drive up. And it was a Saturday, and my mom already was acting weird. She didn’t say anything. Not a thing. Just we want to see you. So we go into lunch. And I’ll never forget, I was wearing this big red wool coat freezing in ann arbor. And my mom was just staring at me. I’m like, What is wrong? Why is she staring at me like that? She would not say a word to me. at the restaurant. My dad was looking at me weird. I’m like, What is this? So finally, this awkward awful lunch and I felt like that The sword was gonna fall on my head. But I did not know why. So they take me back to their hotel room. And my mother says to me, I got a call a about a month ago from a stranger who said that she wanted to give me information about you and your new boyfriend, and that you were seeing coming out of his house a lot. she’s concerned about you. I’m like, what, what, who is this person? You visited him in New York City without telling us like this already? Like we’re descending into the Twilight Zone, Who the hell is calling my mother about this? So I’m standing there agog in their hotel room. And she won’t she won’t give me this person’s name. She’s like, I can’t tell you. She just told me this. And is it true? Is it true that you’re dating this person? And I’m like, Well, yeah, I was going to tell you this, but not this way. And you know, cut to My mother finally says, All right, you have a decision. Here’s your decision. You either stop dating this person right now. And you come home and live with us, because you’re not staying here because you’re not to be trusted, or you’re disowned. And I was like, What? What does that mean, exactly disowned? I was a sophomore in college, right? And I looked at them and they said, you know what this means that we won’t support you anymore. And I said, I mean, you’re cutting me off. And they’re like, Yeah, that’s it. Either. You come home right now with us, and stop dating, and that’s the end, or you’re cut out of our lives. So you can imagine like, I’m standing there like, my entire plan, my whole entire world has combusted. And she adds, by the way, that instead of the University of Michigan Health Services had not sent my gynecological exam invoice to me and my dorm they had sent it to them. So she’s putting two and two together. She’s you know fill in the blanks, blah, blah, blah. Like, literally, this is Cassie. I felt like I felt like an avalanche had fallen on my head. Like I’m still processing the fact that some stranger I don’t know who the hell had picked up the phone, found my mother’s information and called her and told her this whole thing. So I’m at that point. And this is the thing about me. I kind of emphasize how well behaved I’ve been in my life. And I have like, never did anything to hurt my parents or, you know, I was not the rebel in the family. My older sister was a rebel at the time. And so there’s something came over me in that particular moment where I said and I honestly felt like I was invaded by like some kind of spirit that said, I’m not coming home with you. I’m not leaving. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I can’t do this. I can’t. No. And at that point, this was one of the most bizarre moments in a really bizarre day. My mom like stormed out of the room and said, Take her back to her dorm room. And my dad came over to me, he didn’t say a word this whole time, and put a $50 bill in the coat pocket in my red coat pocket. And I looked at him like, Can you help me and that’s what he did. And he drove me back to my dorm. And I was left with this reality. I don’t really remember anything except for sort of collapsing on my bed in my dorm, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do and if my life was over as I knew it, but I think the only other thing I remember from that day is going down to the cafeteria. Sitting with my Friends at dinner not knowing how to tell them what had just happened to me and eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich. And that was the day.
Koji Steven Sakai 13:09
So just for our just did you have to pay for college? Is that what happened? Well, did they keep paying for college ?
Martin Mapoma 13:17
Because you were you were you were at University of Michigan, right? Yeah. Which is a great school. I mean, they get just wow, go ahead.
Guest Anna Bondoc 13:23
So cascaded a little more. After that. I dragged myself to the dean. Well, first thing that happened is I dragged myself to the office of scholarships. And the thing is, my dad was a doctor. So he was not he was making too much money for me to go on, you know, scholarship, literally. And so I would have been taking money, I felt bad, I would have been taking money from somebody who really needed that money. And they said, well, it’s really hard for you to get in state tuition. And your dad makes too much money. So he has to divest himself of declaring you as a dependent and my dad wouldn’t do that and I did not want to. He wouldn’t respond to me he wouldn’t. He was a lot. That’s a whole other story. But I think he just couldn’t cope with what had just happened. So what I did was I went to the Dean of literature, science and the arts. I’ll never forget, he was this really old guy. And he had socks and sandals on. There’s weird details. I remember because I was so stressed out, and I begged him, I said, here’s my situation. I have been a really good student. I don’t deserve this financially, but I really want to finish college. I don’t want to be a waitress for the rest. I don’t want to wait two years to become state, you know, resident and he said, there’s no more money left. Just no more money. Nope, the coffins are dry. The coffers are dry and I was desperate. So I went back to him, and I’m not this kind of I was not that kind of person. By the way. I was one of those like on one level. And finally he said to me, okay, look, write me an essay. And tell me why you need this. And so I wrote, the entire thing I just wrote them the truths I wrote on the true story I told him about, I think my politics at that point were really changing. And I just in a way, it forced me to reckon with like this was coming. Something like this was going to happen. Either that or I was going to become no one, I was going to completely subvert any of the truth of who I really was. So in a funny way, like writing that essay helped me and I submitted to them. And I mean, it was a blessing in a way because they gave me the scholarship. They had seen my academic record, thank God from freshman year, and they gave me the money and I had to go back every year and beg for more because they always said, Not enough still. So somehow I managed between that scholarship And my AP credits from high school so it didn’t pay to be a grind in high school in this case. I escaped college undergrad with no debt. No debt.
Koji Steven Sakai 16:14
Guest Anna Bondoc 16:15
a lot of other problems. A lot of Amex debt and a canceled credit card, but that’s a whole other thing.
Koji Steven Sakai 16:23
And how long did you I mean, just this has nothing to do a story, I guess. But how long did you stay with that guy? Just curious. How much longer did it last?
Martin Mapoma 16:29
She married him.
Guest Anna Bondoc 16:30
I’m married. Okay, so that’s great .
Martin Mapoma 16:33
Yeah, that’s so cool. I have a question for you, though. So when you so after you didn’t come home and he just kept going to school did that like your parents lose their mind? Because of the control thing? Because your mom sounds no offense.
Guest Anna Bondoc 16:48
Martin Mapoma 16:48
Sounds like a control freak. And she thought she she thought she could bend you to her. Well,
Koji Steven Sakai 16:54
She was just being Asian an Asian mom. This is a very Asian thing to do.
Martin Mapoma 16:59
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Koji Steven Sakai 17:01
It’s a very, it’s a very Asian thing to do.
Martin Mapoma 17:03
Okay, yeah, I get it. Believe me. I was baptized in fire. I get that whole point. I didn’t ask for Ana’s individual, you know, experience. I mean, you know, give mama some last and when you didn’t come home?
Guest Anna Bondoc 17:14
Well, yes. And here’s one other Bizarro interaction I had with her. I remember Thanksgiving rolled around this half, you know this day happened in October and then November rolled around and she said, so when am I going to come pick you up for Thanksgiving? Because she had always picked me up for Thanksgiving. I said, um, you disown me. I’m not coming home for Thanksgiving. And the first thing she said was, but what am I going to tell my friends? And I said, That’s not my problem.
Koji Steven Sakai 17:47
That’s another Asian mom thing to do by the way.
Martin Mapoma 17:51
It is. Yes, it is.
Koji Steven Sakai 17:54
So a quick question on the your parents. I mean, how have you guys repaired this relationship? Or is it still the same way? I know how Asian parents are they lost so I mean, like, just put it in perspective.
Guest Anna Bondoc 18:05
Koji Steven Sakai 18:05
My, my wife’s family, my wife’s parents disowned her when we got married. And it wasn’t until my, my, my father in law died. That my my mother in law met my son who’s I think he was eight. That was the first time they met. That’s how bitter now we’re cool.
Martin Mapoma 18:23
You never told me this?
Koji Steven Sakai 18:24
Yeah, I told you this efore. But yeah, so I’m coming from a place of I get it. So I’m just curious. What is your?
Martin Mapoma 18:31
I have a baby story about this too to Don’t forget,
Koji Steven Sakai 18:33
what’s your relations? Tell us about your relationship though with the parents. I mean, do you ever wonder is it still?
Guest Anna Bondoc 18:39
I do. It’s gone up and down in all directions. And I would say after that it took years I mean, I literally drove home and picked up my stuff and left I feel like we got divorced. It was very bizarre like looking back and having friends who’ve gone through divorces. It was almost like that. They felt very betrayed by me. Did not really recognize or acknowledge ever that they had done that to me. Like there was really no apology or mentioned. My dad died eight years ago and I think I made my peace with him. It really wasn’t his choice, I would say I’d say it was my mother’s choice to do this, or she led the charge on this. And so she is a very different person now. She actually moved back to the Philippines, she’d probably kill me now. And she knew I was saying this, but like, I don’t have any shame about this. I’ve been through a lot of therapy about it.
Martin Mapoma 19:32
People hate to be held accountable.
Guest Anna Bondoc 19:35
Yeah. But you know, I would say the softening started to happen. Maybe like koji what you’re saying. I mean, there was definitely when Matthew and I got married. There was relief, because we had been living together and she also hated that. But there was relief that at least I was on a normal quote unquote normal track. We did not get married and In a house of God, we got married by Judge so that was there was always controversy and I think looking back on it like you just I felt like a space alien who landed in my family, you know, there and then happens I think, you know my parents very Asian-ly believe that my father told me this is we live a Confucian life you you owe your parents you you owe them loyalty for everything we’ve done for you. And so for them, what I had done was just the ultimate betrayal and I felt they had betrayed me. So how do you bridge that gap? And I think there are a lot of things that went into this story prior to this rupture. But if you believe in nature versus nurture, I used to believe before I had a kid Oh, it’s all about nurture and you and you impose your you know, you, you influence your kids and who they become. But this story, my own story weirdly. Makes me believe firmly that all of us come out of the womb with something in there already. And I, this was not a reactionary rebellion against my parents. And there’s also cultural elements, by the way, as you know, as you’ve said, and you too, Martin know. Like, how are my parents to reconcile this cultural gap? They brought me to this country to educate me. And part of my education was questioning authority question, being critical thinker, and thinking for myself, and so I don’t know if they understand that. But, you know, my mom used to say, How could you do this to us? We gave you all these ideas, and we raised you with these all ideas. And I said, Yeah, but I read books, and they have different ideas and
Martin Mapoma 21:46
what were their ideas for you? I’m sure they’re very similar with their ideas for you. You already you’re already in college, and you know, the idea that your mom’s like, How could you do this too, and it’s like, what she what you did to them was you went to school got a great education. Man, great guy and had a kid What what? Where’s, where’s the bad in that? I’m just curious what, what idea did your mom have for you?
Guest Anna Bondoc 22:08
The bad was and I see this. I didn’t marry a Filipino doctor and a Catholic Filipino doctor and I had sex outside of marriage. And you know, I was immoral. I didn’t do it. But I mean, she told me that when she was growing up, if you went out without a chaperone unchaperoned, you had to get married. So if they caught you dating, like dating, whatever, and she gave me examples from our family, oh, we made them get married at age 19. Because they went out a man and a woman by themselves without a chaperone like even in Cincinnati Ohio
Martin Mapoma 22:57
And they were so proud of that, weren’t they?
Guest Anna Bondoc 22:59
Yeah. I mean, so I have seen and we’ve seen in this country, how there are ideological divides that will not be crossed. And I think for me, Koji , you asked me, I’ve done a lot of reckoning about forgiveness, and what that means and outside of the realm of going to confession and asking God for forgiveness. I’ve had to think a lot about what that rupture did to me and how and what it means for me to forgive my parents.
Koji Steven Sakai 23:38
Wow. And I know you have you have a child. So how does how is this whole experience affected you as a parent as a mother? by the way, by the way, it could have been worse for your parents. I mean, if I were if you’re a parent, if your mom was here and saying, What if she was lesbian?
Martin Mapoma 23:52
You know, two seconds of right back you guys talking?
Koji Steven Sakai 23:54
Right? There’s a there’s so much worse things that could have happened.
Guest Anna Bondoc 24:02
I have no I know at least I’m straght right
Koji Steven Sakai 24:04
her head would have exploded.
Guest Anna Bondoc 24:08
It’s, it’s hard. It uh, as you know, being a parent, there are so many vulnerabilities that you have as a parent, your child shows you up and and in the ways that I, I get angry or get frustrated or really rigid and I realize you realize that you can only parent to a certain extent from the way you were parented. And yet I had obviously big questions about the way I was parented. So there are times in which my reaction to my daughter is an old training, and I have to stop and be able to say, wait a minute, is this familiar to me or is this the right thing to do? For my daughter, I have to see her for who she is. And I am obviously very conscious of what it means to let my child be who she is for real, and, and not see her as a bonsai tree that I have to clip.
Koji Steven Sakai 25:14
But that’s really, it’s really interesting because my experience is total opposite was that my parents had no rules and zero expatations. As an Asian parent, I’m always for Japan. So it was. So it’s actually the opposite. As a parent, I’ve had to learn to be like, No, we have to set rules. There has to be expectations. And so it’s very, it’s always interesting when I talk to other Asian people with like, but obviously the most my Asian friends have opposite experience.
Guest Anna Bondoc 25:38
Yeah, you’re the exception.
Koji Steven Sakai 25:39
The exception, but it’s but it’s actually really, in a lot of ways. It’s, it’s challenging not to have any rules. Yeah, because it’s like, like, on some level, you just need guidance. And I just didn’t have that and a lot of ways because it’s like, it’s so then it’s just weird. It’s just very different. But I find the same thing with my kid. Create like these like Because my normal instincts is to Do whatever you want to do, don’t get hurt. But then I can’t do that because he’s seven or eight.
Guest Anna Bondoc 26:06
Yeah. Oh my God,
Martin Mapoma 26:08
He’s he’s pretty cool. Yeah, I grew up with. You know, my parents were strict in a lot of ways. But they were also very lenient, and what are ways to remember going out my friends, spending the night at their houses. And you know, I’m going out with them on Friday, Saturday, and I wanted to skip church on Sunday. That was my big thing. So if I just put it on my buddy’s house, on a Saturday night, I was so happy, but their parents knew how much my parents want to go to church every once in a while to say, Martin, we got to get home. Mama wants you to go to church and I was always like, ah, but, you know, yeah, outside of school. My parents were pretty good. There was there was always a sense of respect. I mean, I always respected my parents. And they always taught me to respect other people. But as far as boundaries went, they were Yeah, they were pretty open. You know, and
Guest Anna Bondoc 26:53
But I wonder guys, and I don’t know if this is just a theory that I have because I also have a brother I wonder if you guys there’s a gender component and
Koji Steven Sakai 27:03
there’s totally a gender component for sure.
Guest Anna Bondoc 27:05
Because I know you’re more lenient with my brother. He was younger. He is much younger than me. But they my parents were super traditional. So they just didn’t see him dating. You know what I mean? premarital dating, there are differences. There’s a double standard and also they can fear for him in particular ways that they feared for me. Yeah, my sister. So I mean, who knows? There’s no,
Koji Steven Sakai 27:27
there’s there’s definitely a gender component. I’m sure that if I were female, that there might have been a one or two rules in my life. But you know, you never, you never really know. I mean, so so when you see that, you know, when you see that kind of stuff come out of you, when you talk to your, your, your, your family, you know, do you you know, like do you go the opposite way? Or do you try to separate yourself or what, what is that like?
Martin Mapoma 27:52
She’s a force of nature, though. I tell you, yeah. Her daughter is a force of nature.
Guest Anna Bondoc 27:57
my daughter will not let me it’s a good she’s My teacher in that way because she came out swinging,
Martin Mapoma 28:04
man, Did she ever? Yeah, she’s she’s a force
Guest Anna Bondoc 28:08
She’s the daughter I needed to train me to be a better mother and I don’t go the opposite. I go the opposite in my head sometimes because I’m afraid I’m afraid of. I’m almost afraid of the fearfulness that will come out on her. And I think my biggest ally, which I feel like my parents never did. It’s sort of a poll. That’s the one thing I think is bad about traditional Asian parents. They do not apologize. And so for me, if I know that I can say, you know what, I really messed up. I’m sorry, I did not handle that. Well, I overreacted. It makes it easier for me to because then I have some humility. And I don’t have to feel like I have to be the perfect parent. Because in some ways, I think I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. I think the immigrant parent comes here and they already are at a disadvantage, and my dad used to say to me, we have to be better, we have to be better. And I knew what he meant. He didn’t have to say than them, you know, there’s some race issues in here too. But there’s this fundamental like insecurity, like, don’t have an accent, you know, be presentable, be better. And so I think for my mom, with some compassion, I can see how she felt a lot of pressure to find her place here in the States, and part of that was going to be through her kids. And I know she’d go to her grave saying that and she wouldn’t back down off of saying that, like we had to make the family look good. And so, but I don’t want that, like I actually strive the way I go opposite is my, one of my big tenants in life, I think is authenticity, honesty, transparency as much as possible as appropriate. And so with my daughter I have boundaries. And they serve me they serve. As you said Koji, like, boundaries matter, they are structure, there can’t be a free for all strength within the structure of our house. But also, I will say to her man, I don’t know where that, you know, I got to tell you, I got freaked out about your grades, because this is the way I was raised. And as long as she knows the story, I think we know each other’s stories, which is why I love what you’re doing. We see so much deeper, like we only see snapshots of each other. And then, and then we make these short. Yeah, you know, we don’t make appropriate knowledgeable interactions because we don’t know the depth of our own stories.
Martin Mapoma 30:44
That’s good. It’s true. You know, I’m always saying, you know, always be kind to people. You have no idea where they’ve come from. You know,
Guest Anna Bondoc 30:50
the thing I’ve said recently is, everything we see is cropped. I’m an artist. So I think about
Martin Mapoma 30:54
Guest Anna Bondoc 30:56
And what and I think when I see somebody drives me nuts, and there’s a lot At these days it’s like what’s outside the crop? What don’t I see? What don’t I hear? Same for my kids, my spouse, my friends, all of it like and what don’t they see about me?
Martin Mapoma 31:10
Okay. Ah This has been great. This has been great Anna. I’m so glad that we had. This has been an awesome I think we should have had PJ on here with you just to get some context. you guys have been taught for literally three seconds. Oh well. Anna it’s been great to have you on we’re getting our free Zoom. Hey tough times. Exactly goes Are you there? I can’t hear Koji
Guest Anna Bondoc 31:49
I lost Koji.
Koji Steven Sakai 31:51
I’m so sorry. I was talking without the with the mute on but thank you so much for coming. And please everyone please rate review, subscribe to our podcast. This is something that Martin and I are doing on our own buck. And we’re trying to we’re trying to talk to people have fun, get to know each other, get to know something and get a little bit smarter.
Martin Mapoma 32:07
And I want to say real quick, and I’ve been dying to have Anna on on for a long time she knows. And I’m so glad that you were hear on. It’s been awesome. And it was, it was so well worth it.
Koji Steven Sakai 32:16
Thank you so much. Please make sure to tell a friend or an enemy or anybody else in between those two streams. And if you rate review and check us out on our on our pod, our social media is the best or worst pod on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. So thank you guys, thank you so much.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai